Let's all laugh at Tottenham: 10 Spuds jokes - can you do better?

24 hours to go before we all find out if the 'Arry effect can inspire Tottenham - the Premier League's strongest club - to put in a decent performance against Arsenal.

Why the strongest club,you ask? Well, because they are holding up the other 19.

Anyhoo, ahead of the first North London derby of the season, here are the top 10 Spuds jokes us Addicts have heard in the last few days. If you have heard any others, be sure to share them here...

 

  • Madonna is the new favourite to be the next manager of Tottenham Hotspur... she's managed to keep clean sheets for the last 18 months.
  • Haringey council has blocked Tottenham's plans to build a new ground on Northumberland Park. A town hall source said: "We don't mind having a funfair there once a year, but a circus every fortnight is a bit much."
  • "I was playing Scrabble and had enough letters to make 'Tottenham Hotspur Football Club'. I was gutted when I found out it was only worth five points."
  • A young boy goes to social services and tells them he has nowhere to live. "What about your parents?" asks the social worker. "No, they beat me," says the boy. "What about your grandparents?" says the social worker. "No, they beat me even harder!" says the boy. "Well ... where do you want to stay then?" replies the social worker. "Tottenham," says the boy. "They don't beat anyone.
  • What does a Spurs fan do after he sees his team win? Turns off the Xbox
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Got any Sp*rs jokes? Let's all laugh at Tottenham (UPDATED)

Tottenham have proved yet again that they are the strongest team in the Premier League by propping up the other 19 clubs, so as the classier half of North London revels in being top of the table, let's spare a moment or two (or hopefully several months) to have a joke at the expense of the Spuds.

* What does THFC stand for?

Tottenham Heading For Championship.

* Premiership:

1. Arsenal 12 pts

20. T*tt*nh*m 2pts

 

* What do Sp*rs and a toothpick have in common?

They both have 2 points....

*In fact, whats the difference between Sp*rs and a triangle? A triangle has 3 points.

* What do the Premier League and a cowboy have in common?

They both have spurs at the foot.

* Q. What do Tottenham football club and an online casino have in common?

A. Nothing. At online casino they win once in a while!

* All trains through WHL have been cancelled due to a massive points failure
 
* Q. What is the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Sp*rs fan in the road?

A. The dog has skid marks before it!

 

Send us your T*tt*nh*m jokes and we'll add them to this post.

Gooners - Play Fantasy T*tt*nh*m Chairman

Well, it was another sorry night in North London last night with the T*ttenh*m Army left disappointed again when their expensively assembled side recorded their third defeat in four Premiership matches.

It’s all SO predictable, isn’t it?

Poor old T*tt*nh*am – yet another summer of crowing that they would usurp the red and white half of North London, they’ve now had their worst start in 35 years and worst in the Premiership.

Poor old D*vid B*ntley, who saw his place in the England team taken by Theo Walcott and couldn’t even make the starting XI for his club team last night. That'll teach him.

And to make it worse, after their despicable treatment of former coach Martin Jol, the Dutchman must have a wry smile on his face this morning after noting that not only was his Premiership record better than that of Juande Ramos, but that his current team, Hamburg, happen to be sitting pretty at the top of the Bundesliga.

So, what better excuse than to play Fantasy Daniel Levy and help our poor cousins out of their stupor.


Video: If Arsenal are looking for a free kick expert, how about Remi Gaillard?



Apologies if you have already seen this, but it's just too good not to share.

Remi Gaillard is a French comedian who loves to spoof big sports campaigns. In the past he's taken the mickey out of Nike's Put It Where You Want it commercials, made famous by Wayne Rooney and this time he's gone one step better with his free kick expertise.


So if you're reading this Arsene, and looking for someone who can both entertain the crowd, plus take over the mantle of free-kick specialist, then maybe French scout Gilles Grimandi can track down Remi's number for you.

Enjoy the video!


Why did you become a Gooner?

If you were born or brought up in or around London or your family are dyed in the wool Arsenal fans, then this article probably isn't for you. But if like myself you were raised in another country, there's probably an interesting story behind why you became a Gooner.

Being the Addict that I am, I now live in Highbury and I can easily walk to Emirates Stadium within a few minutes - a privilege that makes me smile every day.

But I was born and brought up in Scotland so I’m often asked why I support the Gunners and I’m the first to admit it’s a totally random reason.


As a youngster, it was the done thing to support the local team (mine being Dundee United), but also an English team. Most of my school friends chose the obvious winning teams - Manchester United and Liverpool - at the time (it was the 1970s). My big brother chose ManUre, but something told me that there was something inherently evil about being associated with the Red Devils and I was determined to find another team to follow.

Cue Super Mac's arrival at Arsenal and one of the weekly football magazines - I think it was Shoot, but it may have been Scoop - marked the occasion by giving away a pennant of Malcolm Macdonald in his new Arsenal colours. Random perhaps, but the pennant instantly found itself pinned to my wall and I proclaimed myself a Gooner.

That was 1976 - a few years before I started following Dundee United, so although I didn't actually get to attend my first match at Highbury until 2000, technically the Arsenal have now been my club for more than 30 years. In that time I've seen people from my home town go from quizzical looks when I announce my allegiance, to looks of envy as a result of the beautiful football the Gunners now play under Arsene Wenger.

I’m still the only Gooner of my age group who comes from my home town, but when I return now to visit, I’m not alone in wearing Arsenal colours.

I'm now a season ticket holder and a resident of Islington, so I know that I'm very lucky indeed compared to the vast majority of Arsenal fans. The season ticket waiting list is full and the club has more than 160,000 registered members, while countless millions of admirers live outside of London and overseas, knowing that in all likelihood they might never get to see their heroes play live in the flesh. But that doesn't make them any less important a supporter.

So for all of you fellow Addicts, whoever and wherever you might be, if you have a tale about why you started supporting the Arsenal, share it here. And if you're not in England, give us the details of where you're based - you never know you might find some like-minded souls living nearby with whom you can form a supporters club.

HELP US FIND OUR RECORD BREAKING GOONERS

Arsenal begin preparations in earnest for their 2008/09 season over the next few days. The traditional friendly with Barnet kicks off tomorrow, while the annual trip to Austria next week coincides with the club's biggest stars returning to training.

For us fans, the preparation also begins. Addicts like myself plan our holidays around the team's fixture list and if, God fobid, I find myself travelling overseas when the Gunners are playing, I spend way too many hours trying to figure out if I can watch the live coverage somewhere.

But being a season ticket holder, I'm inifintely more privileged than a lot of fans, so in order to pay tribute to some of the club's most loyal Gooners, we at Arsenal Addict are on the hunt for some record breaking fans.

Maybe you're a research scientist working in the Antarctic. Or you could be a submariner. Or perhaps you've formed an Arsenal supporters club on an offshore oil rig.

We're looking for all kinds of record breaking - or just plain unusual - Arsenal fans, so if you fall into that category, or you know someone that does, please use our 'Contact' section to get in touch and let us know.

The categories are as open as your imagination - most northerly based, most southerly based, highest altitude, lowest altitude, closest to the equator, most remote, tallest, shortest, oldest - you name it, we're looking for it.

And if you can supply a photo of yourself - or your nominated record breaker - we'll add it to the Great Gooners Gallery as the names start to roll in.

Get your thinking caps on and we'll keep you posted as the nominations appear.